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When I was a little kid, I used to beg my mom to stay up for Johnny Carson because he had all the funniest comedians. Most of them were Jewish, and you could bet that they had worked the Borscht Belt in the Catskill Mountains, aka the Jewish Alps.
Here are some of their best lines.
Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed.
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.
I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.